the boy

I'm an insomniac. You probably know by now. I usually pop up at around 3a. I do what most of us do in those late hours, hop on social media. I'm ready to admit at this point that I probably have an addiction to it. But for all intents and purposes, that's neither here or there. 

It was a typical night, I was on FB. I have a notification. My first love, the boy in which we mutually lost our virginity, whose now the man has left a message in public view on a post. "I often think of what could have been." 

My reaction time was .00002. I quickly deleted the comment and for the most part was content that at 3:15a noone had seen it. He followed up with DM. 

I felt sorry for him and what appears to be his shambled life. I pity most of the men from my past who have proclaimed similar sentiments. Somehow, they believe that they still know me if they ever did.

But this one was even more sad. I had not seen or spoken to this man since we were children. Irresponsible children making adult decisions, fucking and eroding each other's youth.  

In meantime, I've deleted FaceBook messenger.